Loneliness vs. Solitude: Are You Lonely or Solitary?

 

Being alone.  Does it make you feel lonely?  Or do you like your solitude?  We often confuse loneliness with solitude, but they are actually two different experiences.  (Solitude vs. Loneliness: How To Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely)  

 

What is Loneliness? 

Loneliness is a sense of isolation or lack of belonging, even when you are surrounded by people. Lonely people want more of a connection with others than they currently have.   

 

What is Solitude? 

Solitude is a state of being alone without being lonely.  Solitary people usually enjoy their own company.  And use their solitude to take time to get to know themselves better, away from external distractions. 

 

Benefits of Solitude 

Although we often hear about how we need to socialize for good mental health, there are benefits to solitude as well.  Such as: 

• Process life events that may be overwhelming us 
• Calmness and clarity 
• Productivity 
• Concentration 
• Problem-solving 
• Mental replenishment 
• Self-discovery 

Pursuit of Solitude 

If you are uncomfortable being alone, but want to give solitude a try, start small.   Say 10 minute intervals of solitude, until you become more comfortable with it.  The best use of solitude is to do something productive, like a creative project or learning more about yourself. 

 

Keep in mind though that too much solitude can lead to loneliness.  Be sure you aren't using your solitude as a way to avoid other people.  It's a balancing act. Too much or too little solitude is bad for you.  Find your happy medium. 

 

Different Types of Loneliness 

Psychology Today lists 7 Types of Loneliness: 

• New-Situation Loneliness (new city, new job, new school) 
• I'm-Different Loneliness (different faith, interests, etc.) 
• No-Sweetheart Loneliness (no romantic partner or not close to one you have) 
• No-Animal Loneliness (deep need to connect with animals) 
• No-Time-For-You Loneliness (friends busy with their own lives) 
• Casual-Friends Loneliness (no meaningful connections) 
• Quiet-Presence Loneliness (miss having someone around the house) 

Ways to Cope With Loneliness 

We all probably experience loneliness at some point in our lives.  Especially around the holidays or in times of extreme stress.  Below are nine strategies on How to Cope With Loneliness by Dr. Elizabeth Scott: 

1. Join a Class or Club 
2. Volunteer 
3. Find Support Online 
4. Strengthen Existing Relationships 
5. Adopt a Pet 
6. Talk to Strangers 
7. Practice Self-Care 
8. Keep Busy 
9. See a Therapist 

Living Alone 

More Americans than ever are living alone.  According to the 2020 census, 27.6% of all American households are one-person households.  That's more than triple the 1940 figure of 7.7%. ('A stunning social change': A record percentage of Americans are now living alone — nearly 30% of US households)   

 

This trend could be the result of several factors.  For example, we are choosing to marry later (if at all) and some are choosing not to have children.  Also more women than ever are participating in the workforce and becoming financially independent.  

 

Then there is the surge in "gray divorces" where couples call it quits later in life. According to Pew Research the divorce rate for those 50 and over has roughly doubled from the 1990's to 2015. 

 

Personal Experience 

The first half of my life I would often experience loneliness when I measured myself by other people’s standards and expectations.  I would try (or at least pretend) to be "normal" like everyone else, so I could fit in.  But in many ways I wasn't like everyone else.  I didn't want to drink or party or date or get married or have children.   

 

Once I accepted that I was different, and stopped listening to other people's well-meaning advice, I was much happier.  I just let me be me.  And the loneliness went away.  

 

This process didn't happen overnight.  It took years of introspection and gradually learning to like who I was.  Instead of who everyone, including me, thought I should be. 

 

Today, I have friends and family in my life, who accept me for who I am.  Even so, I love my solitude.  Maybe too much.   

 

As for living alone, everyone has their own experiences and preferences.  But for me, it is by choice, and the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.   

 

I can decorate and organize my home however I want.  Eat when and what I want.  Buy what I want.  I don't have to answer to anyone, or compromise, or take anyone else's preferences into consideration.  I have complete freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want. 

 

The best part about being alone is - I make all the decisions.  The worst part about being alone is - I make all the decisions. 

 

No one “has it all”.  There are times when it would be nice to have someone else to share the burden.  Or just lend moral support.  And it's definitely more expensive living alone.  But, negative stereotypes aside, I truly believe I was meant to be alone.  And that is how I like it. 

 

Now back to you.  Do you get lonely or do you like your solitude?  Maybe both?  Do you live alone?