What Influence Do Mothers Have On Us?

 

Mother's Day 

We all know what Mother's Day is.  A day that sneaks up on us every year and sends us into a panic to find the appropriate last minute gift and card for mom before it's too late and we become the most ungrateful child ever born and spend the rest of our lives wracked with guilt.  Just kidding.  Sort of.  It's an annual celebration honoring our mothers, where we express our love and gratitude for all they have done for us. 

 

This is another one of those holidays that can be very painful for some people.  I totally understand if you want to skip Mother's Day (and this article).   

 

But for those like me, whose childhood power plays with your mother evolved into a mature adult relationship, where you treat each other with love and respect (most of the time), read on. 

 

A Mother's Influence 

Our connection with our mother starts even before birth, when she provides physical nourishment and a safe environment for us to grow.   

 

From the beginning we look to our mothers for comfort, guidance and understanding.  They influence the way we think, feel and act throughout our lives. (Why Mothers Matter: The Indispensable Role of Moms in Child Development)   

 

According to a 2000 Gallup poll, the majority of people (53%) credit their mother as the most influential person in their life.  Fathers also play an important role in our development, but I'll cover them in a future article. 

 

Modern Motherhood 

The role of motherhood in the United States has evolved over the last few decades.  Mothers are now breadwinners, educators, coaches and more.  They are expected to do it all (parenting, marriage, career), and do it well, resulting in a constant balancing act.  To quote Oprah Winfrey, "You can have it all.  Just not all at once." 

 

Facts About Motherhood 

Everyone’s mother is unique and every relationship personal.  But here are some Key facts about moms in the U.S. from Pew Research anyway: 

1. The average age of first time mothers in the U.S. has increased over time and is now 27.3 years old. 
2. The number of children women have in their lifetime has declined over time to about 2 in 2020.  On average, women with more education have fewer children. 
3. Moms spend more time with their children on average than dads do.  Especially when their children are young. 
4. In opposite-sex couples, mothers report taking on more child care responsibilities than their spouse or partner does. While fathers are more likely to say these tasks are split about equally.  
5. Moms are more likely than dads to say being a parent is harder than they expected. 
6. The vast majority of mothers (83%) find parenting enjoyable and rewarding most (56%) or all of the time (27%). 
7. Being a parent is a key part of most moms' personal identity (88%).  With 35% saying it is the most important aspect.  Whereas 85% of fathers say it is important, but only 24% say it's the most important aspect of who they are. 

Benefits of Having a Mother 

There are countless ways, throughout our lives, in which our moms are important to us.  But here are Psychology Today's Top 10 (Top 10 Reasons Why Moms Are Important ... and of course there are more than 10.):  

1. If it weren't for our moms we wouldn't be breathing right now. 
2. Moms are the emotional backbone of the family. They do their best to save us from hurt feelings. 
3. Moms help us heal, physically and emotionally. 
4. Moms work hard and make sacrifices so our lives would be better. 
5. Moms are forgiving. 
6. Moms will support our dreams when no one else will. 
7. Moms try to keep you out of trouble and set boundaries "for your own good". 
8. Moms see and hear everything and remember the good (and bad) that came your way. 
9. Moms teach us to be a functioning adult. 
10. When mom smiles at you, it makes your day. 

And don't forget the unconditional love.  Who else is going to love you no matter what? 

 

Personal Experience 

Looking back, I can see I wasn't very nice to my mother growing up.  I hope I've made up for it in adulthood.  She just wanted a normal little girl.  Someone who liked to play and have fun with her friends.  Who was into normal girlie things like clothes, hair, makeup and boys.  Who wanted to get married someday and have children.  In other words, a daughter she could understand and relate to.   

 

Instead, she got me.  Even as a baby I didn't want to be held or cuddled.  I was often a moody little brat who just wanted to be left alone to do what I want (which was mostly watch TV).  And I was NEVER having children.  We clashed.  A lot. 

 

But as I matured things got better.  Today, I can honestly say that my mom is my best friend.  She is the first one I go to with a problem.  The first one I want to share good news with.  The one I tell everything to.  Well, almost everything.  She knows that I will never be normal, and I know that she loves me anyway.   

 

Yes, we still sometimes drive each other crazy.  It's bound to happen.  We're both strong-willed, opinionated women with different personalities who don't always see eye to eye on things.  Fortunately, we both have a good sense of humor and can laugh at ourselves. 

 

We're also both aware of our limited time left together, and we try to make the most of it. 

 

Thank You 

I know I'm not the first to say this, but being a mother is probably the hardest, the most rewarding, and the most thankless job in the world.  They certainly deserve more than one day a year of acknowledgement. 

 

So my advice is don't wait for Mother's Day.  Show your appreciation to all the mothers in your life today.   

 

To my mom, my aunts (I have two great ones) and all the other mothers out there – THANK YOU! 

 

Any mother stories you want to share?