What Influence Do Fathers Have On Us?

 

Last month I posted about the importance of mothers (What Influence Do Mothers Have On Us?).  Well, now it's dad's turn. 

 

Statistics 

Let’s start with some statistics.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are an estimated 72 million dads in America.  About three-quarters of them have more than one child (24% one child, 39% two children, 37% three plus children).  (Involved Fathers Play An Important Role In Children’s Lives)  

 

In 2020 an estimated 70% of U.S. children lived with two parents, about 20% with the mother only, about 5% with the father only, and 5% with no parent. (Fathering in America: What’s a Dad Supposed to Do?)   

 

Evolution of Fatherhood 

The mother's role is not the only one that has changed in the last several decades.  These days a father can be:  

• raising biological children, stepchildren, adopted children.   
• married, cohabitating, or a single father.   
• in a same sex relationship.   
• a stay-at-home dad.  
• a role model for a child without a dad. 

The role of father is constantly evolving.  And responsibilities, priorities and duties can vary by individual, and over time.  He now has more options when it comes to deciding what kind of dad he wants to be. 

 

Will he be a traditionalist, leaving most, if not all, childcare duties to mom?  Or will he be a more involved father?  Will he be there during delivery, diaper changes, caring for a sick child, helping with schoolwork, attending events?  Will he be there for the child emotionally?  Will he engage with the child in a meaningful way?    

 

The Father Effect 

The positive outcomes of having an engaged dad fall under something called the "father effect". (The Encouraging Science Of Fatherhood And The 'Father Effect')  They include a child who is:  

• less likely to drop out of school or wind up in jail. 
• less likely to have sex at a young age. 
• less likely to endure psychological problems throughout their lives. 
• more likely to have higher IQ test scores by the age of 3. 
• more likely to avoid high-risk behaviors. 
• more likely to have high-paying jobs. 
• more likely to have healthy, stable relationships when they grow up. 

A Father’s Influence 

Just like mom, there’s no doubt that fathers play an important role in the way their children think, feel and act.  Children look for stability and build trust with their parents at an early age.  This trust can affect how they see the world and build relationships with others. 

 

I never fully realized how influential a father could be.  Below are some more positive effects of having a caring father who is active in a child's life (The Importance of Fathers: Is Father's Day real?): 

• The child grows up with a more positive identity and greater self-esteem.   
• Having a good male role model helps adolescent boys develop positive gender-role traits.   
• Adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and relate to them better.    
• These children tend to have fewer problems with school achievement, behavior, and social interaction.  
• They are also more likely to grow up to be involved parents themselves. 
• Because fathers are more inclined to take risks than mothers, they often encourage their children to be independent, to explore, take chances, overcome obstacles, be braver around strangers, and stand up for themselves. 

Helpful Tips 

Below are some helpful tips for creating a healthy father-child relationship: 

• Get to know your kids (hobbies, school, etc.). 
• Let your kids get to know you. 
• Think back to your childhood. 
• Treat your partner and family with kindness and respect. 
• Forgive yourself for mistakes and seek out professional help if you need it. 

Personal Experience 

I was one of the lucky ones.  I had a great dad.  He was very involved in my life. 

 

My mom did most of the childcare duties (it was the 1960s after all).  But dad did his share.  He taught me how to brush my teeth, ride a bike, drive a car, shoot a basket, fly a kite, manage money, and fix things.  He also taught me patience, responsibility, and the value of hard work.  And so much more. 

 

Even into adulthood, I knew he was always just a phone call away.  If my car broke down or I needed a last minute ride to the airport, he would drop everything to help me.  Or if anything in my home needed fixing, I knew dad would take care of it without complaint.  I tried not to take advantage of him, but it was hard.  He was just so good at everything. 

 

My dad and I were very similar in personality and understood each other.  Which is good.  Because although we were close, neither one of us was eager to discuss “feelings” (except maybe through mom).  He may not have been as involved in my day-to-day life as mom was, but I knew he loved me.  He showed me in so many ways.  And he was always there for me.  Always. 

 

He’s been gone four years now, and I miss him.  But I’m so grateful he was my dad, and that I had him for 55 years.  He gave me so much, and helped make me who I am today. 

 

Thank you, dad.  For everything. 

 

Do you have any dad or male role model memories you want to share?