Were you ever bullied as a child? Somebody stole your lunch money, or hit you on the playground? Maybe said something that made you cry? Or perhaps later in life you were bullied at work by your boss or a coworker?
Bullying can take many forms, but essentially we’re talking about aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. It can be physical contact, words, or more subtle actions.
Cyberbullying is verbally threatening or harassing behavior conducted through electronic technology such as cell phones, email, social media, or text messaging.
Why Are People Bullies?
Why do people bully others? Well, it can be an effective way to get what they want, at least in the short term. They also tend to lack the social skills to do things the regular way. And it’s a way of establishing social dominance.
So, are people born bullies? No, they're made. Usually early in childhood. They don't call it the "terrible twos" for nothing. If the normal aggression shown by 2-year-olds is not consistently managed, they won’t learn to curb their aggression. And if it works, why change their behavior?
What Are Bullies Like?
Some psychological features shared by bullies include the following:
- They lack prosocial behavior.
- They are untroubled by anxiety.
- They do not understand others' feelings.
- They misread the intentions of others, registering hostility where there is none.
- Others do not like them, but they often have a very positive self-image.
- They tend to have a strained relationship with parents and peers.
Bullies are cowards. They prefer victims who lack assertiveness and radiate fear. Who become visibly upset when they are picked on and have no friends or allies. Bullying harms not only the victims but the bullies as well. Their aggressive behavior often interferes with learning, holding a job, and having intimate relationships.
Do Bullies Grow Out of It?
Some bullies do grow out of it, but many do not. Instead, they grow into antisocial adults who are far more likely to commit crimes, batter their spouses, and abuse their children. As well as, produce another generation of bullies.
Cyberbullying
With cyberbullying, bullies can now access their victims anywhere, anytime. They can also do it anonymously so the victim doesn't even know who is targeting them. And with anonymity comes less restraint and more meanness.
Cyberbullies can spread false rumors on social media. They can impersonate someone and cause mischief. Cyberstalking and sexual harassment is also a big problem. Cyberbullying can be inescapable and relentless.
Personal Experience
Luckily, I never had to deal with cyberbullying when I was growing up. (The Internet came along LONG after my childhood.) I did experience my share of bullying in school though. I mean come on. I was a crybaby who radiated fear and had few friends. It was kind of a given that I would be bullied. At least until I learned to stand up for myself and hide my emotions.
But rather than bore you with those stories, I want to focus on three pivotal adult experiences where being bullied actually helped me in the long run.
Now let me be clear. Bullying is bad. I’m against it. I don’t recommend it as a motivator. But in my case, it kind of worked.
The first instance was in 10th grade history class. Our teacher Mr. Allen was a bully. He liked to verbally intimidate and humiliate his students. He would ridicule you if you didn't know the answers to his questions. One day I had had enough. So, that night I didn't just read the homework assignment. I memorized it. The next day I even volunteered to answer questions.
It felt good. I showed him. (Pride and ego had a lot to do with it.) After that I applied myself to other subjects in the same way. I discovered that I wasn't stupid. I just needed to study more.
The second instance I was a paralegal and the attorney in charge of our department took a dislike to me (it’s a long story). He made my work life very uncomfortable, hoping that I would quit. I was so miserable that I looked for another job and ended up going to library science school, with the intention of quitting my paralegal job after I graduated.
Ultimately I stayed on with the firm once I got my degree, but I did move to the library department. Prior to that though, the paralegal situation resolved itself when the attorney stepped down as department chair. Even he admitted, to a mutual friend, that he wasn't good at managing people. Still, I'm grateful to him for the career change.
The third instance involved my last boss when I was a librarian. She was a more subtle bully. But it was basically her way or the highway. I'm actually grateful to her too though. She's the one who got me thinking seriously about retirement. Not as something a few years down the road, but right now. Best decision I ever made.
Have you ever been bullied? Either as a child or an adult?
Sources
As a teacher I’ve certainly bullied by students. Lw
ReplyDeleteInsightful, Tracie!
ReplyDelete