10 People Skills Everyone Should Know And How To Improve Them

 

Introduction 

Do you make a good first impression? 

Do people do what you ask or ignore you? 

Do they understand what you say or look at you like you're speaking a foreign language? 

Can you empathize with others and see their side of things? 

Are you good at reading a room? 

Can you de-escalate a tense situation? 

Can you calm difficult or toxic people? 

 

In other words, do you have good people skills? 

 

People skills (aka emotional intelligence) are the tools we use to effectively communicate with others.   

 

10 People Skills Everyone Should Know 

The skills below can help you in your career, but they can also come in handy in your personal life: 

1. Social Assertiveness (standing up for yourself, establishing boundaries, saying no). 
2. Creating a memorable presence (make lasting first impression, people remember your name, quickly build rapport, learn how to be interesting). 
3. Master communication (good at presenting yourself and getting your message across). 
4. Sustain lasting confidence (overcoming your social anxiety, conquer shyness and avoid awkwardness). 
5. Master conversation (move beyond small talk to engage in more memorable conversation and keep it going). 
6. Be highly likeable (easy to influence others, people trust you, ask for your opinion, consider you genuine or authentic, often ask you to join them). 
7. Exceptional at decoding emotions (highly perceptive, strong intuition, empathetic, can read social cues, good at interpreting body language and facial expressions). 
8. Pitch your ideas (can get people to adopt your ideas, feel confident pitching yourself without bragging). 
9. Be charismatic (a perfect blend of warmth and competence, seen as approachable, trustworthy, and likeable, as well as dependable, capable and knowledgeable). 
10. Be an influential leader (rally people and generate camaraderie, make plans and get people to follow, harness and build on excitement). 

Skills vs. Natural Ability 

So, are we born with these skills or can we learn them?  I think some people's personalities and innate talents give them an advantage with these skills.  But yes, skills are learned. 

 

A skill refers to a specific ability acquired through practice and training.  Skills are usually task-oriented and can be measured and improved over time.  Like playing a musical instrument or learning a new language. 

 

Competencies are a blend of skills, knowledge, behaviors, and attitudes. For example, to be an effective communicator you not only have to speak well, you also have to be a good listener, understand non-verbal cues, empathize with others, and be able to adapt your communication style to suit your audience. 

 

Natural ability (aka talent), on the other hand, is something you are born with. For example, some are born with an ear for music.  This gives them an advantage over those who don't have this gift.  But without practice to develop musical skill and competency, they will never be a great musician. 

 

17 Tips for Improving Your People Skills 

1. Make eye contact and smile 
2. Relax your face 
3. Make light conversation 
4. Seek out social situations 
5. Make remarks to keep conversations going 
6. Stick to topics that aren't offensive (e.g. family, occupation, recreation, dreams) 
7. Show people that you care about them  
8. Build rapport (e.g. find common ground) 
9. Be supportive and give compliments 
10. Be positive 
11. Listen rather than waiting for your time to talk 
12. Use cues to show that you listen 
13. Know that people are full of insecurities 
14. Gradually become personal 
15. Let people get to know you 
16. Observe others in social situations 
17. Read a book on people skills 

Personal Experience 

I'm not the most social person.  And I’m much more comfortable writing than talking.  But when I am with people, I try to give them my full attention.  I've been told I'm a good listener, so I must be doing something right. 

 

In groups especially, I prefer to observe and listen rather than talk.  I'm a private person who doesn't like to talk about myself, except with close friends and family (and on a blog apparently).  I also tend to talk too fast and condense my stories, convinced I'm about to lose everyone's attention. (I need to work on that.)  

 

But don't get the idea I'm a shy wallflower.  People have also told me that I'm persuasive.  That could be code for domineering, but I'll take it.   

 

I confess, I have strong opinions and I'm not afraid to discuss them.  But I enjoy discussing other viewpoints as well.  And I like to think I’m open to changing my mind.  (Admittedly, it doesn't happen very often.  I can be stubborn too.)  I try to at least see the other person’s side, even if I don’t agree with them. 

 

I also love discussing controversial subjects (so much more interesting than the weather).  But I have enough people skills to know that I have to ease into those subjects. 

 

How about you?  Do you have good people skills? 

 

Sources 

10 Essential People Skills You Need to Succeed 

Can skills and competencies be learned, or are people innately born with them?  

17 Tips to Improve Your People Skills (With Examples)