How To Find Your Happiness: A Work In Progress

 

What is Happiness? 

How do you define happiness?  It's kind of hard isn't it?  You know it when you feel it, but you can't quite put it into words.  Even the researchers have a hard time pinning it down.    

 

Everyone has their own idea of what happiness is.  And even we change our minds throughout our lives. 

 

I like how Positive Psychology defines it in their article, What Is Happiness and Why Is It Important? (+ Definition).  "Happiness is a state characterized by contentment and general satisfaction with one's current situation."  

 

Happiness vs. Pleasure 

People often confuse happiness with pleasure.  But they're not the same.  Pleasure comes from external stimulation like food, sex, etc.  It affects our senses and is temporary.  Happiness on the other hand comes from within and lasts longer.  (The Difference Between Happiness and Pleasure)   

 

Pleasure is often associated with material things, while happiness is the result of personal growth and meaningful relationships. (Happiness vs Pleasure: Unraveling Commonly Confused Terms)   

 

The pursuit and attainment of pleasure will rarely lead to happiness.  But it can be part of what makes you happy.  And being happy can enhance your pleasure. 

 

Why Be Happy? 

There are a lot of benefits to being happy, besides just feeling good.  According to June Silny at Happify, Happy people:  

• are more successful (marriage, friendship, income, work performance, health). 
• get sick less often and experience fewer symptoms when they do. 
• have more friends and a better support system. 
• donate more to charity. 
• are more likely to volunteer. 
• have an easier time navigating through life since optimism eases pain, sadness, and grief. 
• have a positive influence on others. 
• engage in deeper and more meaningful conversations. 
• smile more, which is beneficial to your health. 
• exercise more often and eat more healthily. 
• are happy with what they have rather than being jealous of others. 
• are healthier all around and more likely to be healthy in the future. 
• live longer than those who are not as happy. 
• are more productive and creative. 

Happiness is a Work In Progress 

People aren’t born “naturally happy”.  And happiness doesn’t just happen.  It’s something we learn.  Usually after a period of struggle, sacrifice and growth.   

 

And even when we obtain happiness, it doesn’t last forever.  It's a constant work in progress.  Why?  Because we’re human, and we'll always want more. 

 

I was going to write this self-righteous passage about thinking positively, appreciating what you have, and going after your happiness.  But then I read this book that gave me a different perspective.  The title of the book (and I’m sorry if this offends anyone) is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. 

 

According to Mark, pursuing happiness just reminds you that you aren't happy now.  And constant positivity is just a way of avoiding your problems, when solving problems is what makes us happy.  We’re responsible for our own happiness.  Committing to a goal and enduring the struggle and pain that comes with it is what leads to happiness.   

 

The joy is in the climb itself so you never stop climbing.  But along the way you gain confidence and become more sure of yourself.  You prioritize what's important to you and you become less bothered by trivialities and petty annoyances.  You experience growth.  You become happy.  You'll still have problems, but they'll be "better" problems. 

 

Personal Experience 

I find I agree with a lot of what Mark says in his book.  Looking back on what has made me happy in life it was taking responsibility for my own happiness and doing things that scared me (early travel) or required a lot of sacrifice (graduate school) or that I struggled with (career choices). 

 

For example, when I was no longer happy being a paralegal, what made me happy again was going back to school and becoming a librarian.  It took 3 years, but it was worth it.  Or later on in my career when some changes at work made me unhappy.  I made the decision to retire early and try something completely different (blogging).  Scary stuff, but now I’m happy again. 

 

I probably have more regard for positive thinking than Mark does though.  And that could be why I don't view life as the constant painful struggle he does.  (Also, he's young and hasn't learned how to relax yet.)  Inevitably, there will be a new crisis or challenge.  But in the meantime, I’m going to relax and savor my happiness.   

 

You may be thinking, easy for me to say, right?  I'm not seriously ill.  I’m not getting a divorce.  I haven't lost a child.  No, but like all humans, I've experienced illness, disappointment, and loss.  That's part of life.  What matters is how you deal with it.  Painful experiences can lead to personal growth and a deeper appreciation for life (aka happiness). 

 

Since I like to end on a positive note, I'll conclude with another quote from the Positive Psychology article which sums up my personal viewpoint.  "We don’t need to have everything we want in order to be happy—true happiness can be obtained by finding joy in what we already have, however much or little that may seem." 

 

What about you? Did you come up with a definition of happiness?  What makes you happy?