LGBTQIA+...What? A Breakdown

 

Introduction 

If you're like me, you mean well, but you sometimes find it hard to keep up with the latest terminology for the various non-heterosexual orientations.  For an informative breakdown check out this article, What Each of the Letters in LGBTQIA+ Means by BestLife. 

 

But if all you want is a quick reference, below is my humorous (but respectful) cheat sheet for 12% of the population.   

 

Please don’t forget this is just a simplistic guide.  Think of sexual orientation as existing on a spectrum with many possibilities.  Where everyone is unique and may not fit neatly into a particular designation.  

 

L is for Lesbian 

Female people attracted to other females either romantically (no sex), erotically (with sex) or emotionally (could go either way).  Think Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon in Bound.  Sure Jennifer Tilly's character had sex with a guy too, but you got the impression that was just business.  A girl's got to eat. 

 

G is for Gay 

The word "gay" has replaced the more clinical and stigmatized term "homosexual". Today it can be used to describe the LGBTQIA+ community as a whole, or a single individual who doesn't identify as straight, or men who are attracted to other men in a romantic, erotic or emotional way. Think Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain.   

 

B is for Bisexual 

Typically this is described as someone who is attracted to people of their own sex and the opposite sex.  I won't get into the whole gender thing which gets complicated.  Think Sharon Stone's character in Basic Instinct. She liked men and women, and if she had a preference I never figured it out.  Bisexuals are not people transitioning from straight to gay.  This is an inaccurate and hurtful stereotype.   

 

T is for Transgender 

Okay, now I have to get into gender a bit. Transgender people are people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.  The word transgender replaces the more outdated term "transsexual". Think Dil in The Crying Game. It's a common misconception, but cross-dressers (private) and drag queens (public) are often not transgender.  Think Milton Berle. (Drag Artists Vs Crossdressers Vs Transgender People : Not As Similar As One Might Think!) 

 

Q is for Queer or Questioning 

Prior to the 1980’s, the word "queer" was a slur used to refer to people in the LGBTQIA+ community. They reclaimed it, but even so, some are still hesitant to use it today.  It's often used as a blanket term to refer to anyone who isn't exclusively straight (heterosexual) and monogamous.  Some use the “Q” for "questioning", meaning they are still unsure of their sexual orientation or gender identity. 

 

I is for Intersex 

People who are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't fit the typical definition of male and female.  Their bodies straddle the two sexes and have characteristics of both.  Intersex is completely different from transgender. 

  

A is for Asexual or Ally 

Asexual people do not feel sexual attraction to others.  Often they can be romantically attracted to someone, but sexual attraction doesn't enter into it.  Think Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory (before coitus with Amy).  This is not the same as a celibate person who does feel sexual attraction, but doesn't act on it, for whatever reason. The "A" can also refer to "ally" who is someone who supports the LGBTQIA+ community and fights against homophobia, transphobia, etc. 

 

+ is for Other Non-Heterosexual People 

The "+" covers everybody else in the community who doesn't have a designated initial. This could be for example, pansexuals, who can be attracted to anyone, no matter their sexual orientation or gender identity.  Or "nonbinary people" who don't identify as male or female. They exist outside the two choices and don't want to be limited. 

 

Personal Orientation 

I knew I was different from an early age.  You know how little kids think sex is kind of gross?  Well, while my peers were becoming adolescents with raging hormones, I continued to think it was kind of gross.  I told myself I was probably just a late bloomer, or I hadn't met the right guy yet. 

 

But then as I entered college, and still felt no sexual desire, I knew something was wrong.  I could look at a good looking guy and think he was attractive, but I didn't want to have sex with him.  And no, I didn't want to have sex with the girls either.  I just wasn't interested.   

 

There wasn't much information about these things when I was growing up like there is now.  There wasn't even (gasp!) the Internet.  I couldn't exactly talk about it with anyone.  Who would understand when I couldn't even explain it to myself.   

 

I just knew I wasn't like everyone else.  I suspected I was asexual, but I didn't really understand what that was, so I wasn't sure.  In any case, I felt I had to keep it to myself if I wanted to fit in.  (That wasn't a good feeling.) 

 

I kept up the pretense into my mid-thirties with some forced dates that never went anywhere.  (No surprise there.)  Then one day my friend Kathy put it in perspective for me.  She asked me point blank if I wanted to be with the guy I was currently dating. The simple answer was – no.  I didn't want to be with him or anyone.  That was the end of my pretend dating.  (What a relief.) 

 

Then I came across an article on the Internet (finally!).  This woman had written about her asexual journey.  Reading it I felt like I could have written the article myself.  Everything I had felt and experienced was in there.  I wasn't alone.  I now had an identity to go with what I had always felt.  (That was a good feeling.) 

 

Some well-meaning people wonder if I can be “fixed” or “cured”.  To them I say, I’m not broken.  I’m not sick.  I’m perfectly happy the way I am. 

 

I suppose my own asexual identity is what makes me pre-disposed to support everyone else's sexual and gender orientation.  Whatever it may be.   

 

As my Human Sexuality professor in college used to say, "Whatever two (or more) consulting adults do (or don’t do) that doesn't harm anyone, physically or psychologically, is okay." 

 

Your thoughts?