The Compensations Of Aging

 

Introduction 

I was a little hesitant to approach this topic.  After all, nobody under the age of 21 likes to admit they’re getting older.  But it happens to all of us, if we're lucky. (Attitude is everything.) 

 

As I turn 60 this month, and transition presumably into the last third of my life, I find myself doing a lot of self-reflection.  What were the happiest times in my life?  Is there anything I would’ve done differently?  How have I changed?   What will I be remembered for? 

 

You know.  The usual stuff. 

 

The Good and Bad of Aging 

No doubt about it.  Getting old is a gift, but it's also hard work.  I wish I had my 20-year-old body back.  Hell, I'd take my 40-year-old body, or even 50.  To have that energy back.  To be able to get out of bed in the morning completely pain-free.  To be able to play tennis and racquetball again.  To be able to get off the floor without assistance!  (And I'm in the early stages.) 

 

And then there's the losses.  Grandparents, parents, partners, siblings, friends.  It seems like you spend the first half of your life accumulating people and the second half letting them go. 

 

But that said, there are compensations with aging too: 

• We continue to mature and develop (well, most of us anyway).   
• We become comfortable with who we are and know what we want out of life.   
• We're emotionally stronger with less negative emotions.   
• We take ourselves and life less seriously.   
• We stop worrying so much about things that don't matter.  Like what other people think about us.   
• We become more accepting of the way things are instead of the way we want them to be. 
• We realize that we can’t save the world or even those we love.  We can only be there for them. 
• We're more financially secure. 
• We’re less ambitious (what a relief).  
• We reach a point where we don’t have to work anymore.   
• We have time to play and do what we want.   
• We learn to appreciate the value of time. 

Now just throw in my 20-year-old body, and life would be perfect.   

 

The Happiness U Curve 

Why are we so afraid of aging?  Do we equate it with death?  Do we mourn our lost youth with its transient beauty and health?  Do we dread our inevitable decline?  There's even a name for it.  Gerascophobia – the fear of growing older.   

 

Ironically though, satisfaction surveys have shown that healthy people actually gain more life satisfaction after middle age, reaching its peak at the end of life (The Paradox of Aging: the Happiness U-Curve).   

 

Mid-life (40's) tends to be the most stressful and dissatisfied time in many people's lives.  That's when we're dealing with pressures like our careers, children, aging parents, and peer comparisons. 

 

Then, for many of us, around age 50, our minds and emotions experience a shift.  We now have better emotional stability, greater compassion, more comfort with ambiguity, and deeper gratitude.  We’re also more open to the simple pleasures in life.   

 

We think less about social competition and more about social connection.  We face the inevitability of loss and learn to accept it.  And as we approach the end of life, our priorities shift toward love and living in the present moment.   

 

Personal Experience 

Aging is a gradual process.  But sometimes it has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  For instance, in my head I’m still young.  But every now and then, when I look in the mirror, I catch myself wondering, “Who is that old person?”.   

 

As for my younger self, she no longer exists (and good riddance, she was a mess).  I think back on some of the things I used to worry about and they seem so trivial now.   So much time and energy wasted over things that either never happened, or turned out not to be that big a deal.  

 

Now when something goes wrong, I don’t automatically jump into panic mode.  I just remember my mom’s favorite adage, “This too shall pass”.  And it does. 

 

With age I’ve also learned to be kinder to myself.  Like everyone else, I'm not perfect.  I'm a work in progress.  I make mistakes.   I try to forgive myself and do better next time. 

 

My world is pretty small these days and some might say boring.  But I love it.  I have less stress and more time to do the things I enjoy.  I also find myself more open to simple pleasures like watching a sunset or cloud formations, talking to a neighbor, or just appreciating a beautiful day.  

 

Once you reach a certain age, there’s not a lot that's new in life.  Even the big events seem familiar.  Another health scare, another loss.  All part of getting old.   

 

But you’ve changed.  You’re now wiser, stronger and more resilient.  You’ve been training for this age thing your whole life.  So relax.  Take a deep breath.  You've got this. 

 

What do you like best about getting older?